just don't want to be me

Have you ever from the time you woke up to the time you go to bed, thought wow I just don't want to be me anymore.  you know it isn't possible to change places with someone else but you can always dream right.  I went to bed last night and had nothing but bad dreams about my feiance and this girl he likes.  it would not be so bad but he lives in Wyoming and as i have said i do not.  The girl he has a thing for does and they even work together.  so i guess that is the only thing on my mind.  Its okay i guess cause eventually he will be back here. I think,  that not true I know cause he bought his ticket. there is still the thought in my head that he isn't really coming.  say that they fall in love and he decides he does not want to be with me anymore.  anything can happen and i have the worst luck ever.  so it is not really that far of a jump to him not coming.  he keeps telling me he loves me and that he is coming.  But really if you were in my spot what would you think.  So here is a little background.  we have been together on and off for 6 years.  We took our first trip to Oregon where he used to live to visit some of his friends.  well that so did not go my way at all.  we got there and went out with some of his friends and the only one he wanted at the bar was his ex girlfriend.  after getting over that and a few years later we were living in Arizona.  one of his other ex girlfriends that he told me lived in a different part of the state magically lived in the same town we did.  i was not to happy about that but i got over it.  now he tells me he loves me then emails his parents about this girl there he has a thing for.  i swear its like i cant get a brake lately.  sometimes i just want to stay in bed cause i know that if i get out it is going to be a bad day.  Like today I got out of bed even though i knew it would be a bad day.  my feiance left me a message saying he would call when he got off work.  do you think i got a phone call?  the answer is NO.  he texted a little bit after he got off and said he was charging his phone.  then he sent a message saying he would give me a bed time phone call.  So what would you think if your man or woman did that to you?  I don't know what to do.  Part of me wants to talk to him but he just thinks I'm being stupid.  so the other part says just quit talking to him.  hell  he has not even told the other girl he likes that he is engaged.  which makes me think that he doesn't want her to know about me.  i guess cause i don't live there he can do what he wants and i will never know.  i guess i am  done venting for now let me know if you can answer any of my questions cause i am at a stand still right now.