To my friend

So my next blogs are going to be some of my peoms I have been working on.  I like to write and I have been writing poems for people.  This one was for my neighbor when she needed a pick me up.  Let me know what you think.

 

When I look at you

I see so much

You help me out

when times are tough

You reach your hand out

just for me

You let me vent idioticly

your always wise

and know what to say

You lift me up to see the day

You are pretty and you are strong

Even when the worlds wrong

Remember this everyday

It will help wash away the pain

 



What happened

So I am now alone once again raising 3 kids on my own.  I have ataxia and sometimes I have to use a cane or walker.  I don't have a problem with it but I found out that my spouse thinks it is funny that I have to use them.  I have been sitting and doing allot of thinking.  Why would the person I thought loved me for better or worse, laugh at me for being disabled.  I did not choose to be this way and I can't change it.  How could he laugh because of something I can't control.  I wish I new what to do?  I get to sit and wonder while he is out doing god knows what with his friends.  All I want to do is dig a hole and crawl into it.  I apparently have bad taste in people.  This is marriage 2 for me and you think by now I would be a better judge but I'm not.  I realize everyone has there own problems and most of them can be worked through but how do you work on something when they keep doing it.  How do you work on stuff when the other person does not want too?  I will admit I have done my share of bad things and I have learned from them.  I am not the same person I was when I did the bad thing.  At some point you have to look at your life and ask yourself is this who I want to be?  Well is it???  So here is my method to change. 

1. write down everything you want to change.
2. now put them in order of what you want to change first.
3. now take them and write them on flash cards.
4. take the first one and write what you need to do to accomplish that first goal.
5. when you have done the first one move on to the next card.

I know it seems easy but it is really hard.  When you write down your goals you are more likely to fallow through on them.  In order to change you have to want to.  No one can make you change the steps are up to you.  If you have anything to add let me know.  Remember POSITIVE THOUGHTS EQUAL POSITIVE RESULTS.

Baking dreams #1

So over the last few weeks OK months I have been trying to bake new stuff.   Well lets say some were better than others.  I got these two recipes out of the cooking club magazine and now I can not find the magazine to tell you what they were called.  I hope you can find them by the pictures cause they were good.

                                                                                           This one was a white marshmallow crust whit whipped cream filling Topped with strawberries. 

it was so good but the crust took three times to make and it did not turn out like the picture at all.  Sometimes you have to try over and over to get it right.  I gave up at three and it still was not right.  We did eat everything I made but some were better than others.  In case you did not get the memo I made the one to the left but I bet the right one tastes better. LOL

So the above picture is the one I made and to the right is the picture in the book.  It is a 4 layer strawberry filled cake.  They did white frosting and I did Chocolate because I could not get the white frosting thick enough to stay on  the cake.  Surprisingly I only had to do the cake part once.  It was so good between every layer is a layer of strawberries and the middle layer is whipped cream and strawberries. 

I had a lot of fun making both of these and if I could find the recipes I would share them.  I got them out of the cooking club magazine and love to try there stuff.  My stuff might not look like the picture but they sure do taste good.  Well that's it for today.  Hope your day is filled with the joys of life.

Poems number 1

The before picture of my Granny

So this is going to be a short one but at least I am posting right!!!  I enjoy writing and love poems so here is some of my poems well at least one if you want more your should follow me and read more. LOL  A few years ago my sister gave me a poem about ataxia that made everyone cry for Christmas.  It was the perfect gift.  I m not going to put that poem here but I will tell you the name and who it is by.  It is so good you should look it up.  It is called HOW WILL II DANCE BY SHERRY-ANN BROWN.  I love it and because I had just found out I had Ataxia that year it was perfect.  Anyways the next year I decided I was going to write my granny Anna a poem.  It took allot and my kids helped.  I liked it and when she read it she cried.  So here it is.

you make it look so easy

you make it look so fun

and even know your busy

your job is never done

with calls and fax and emails

your always on the go

and even at your age

your energy's not low

They say with age comes wisdom

and you must have allot

cause every time I look at you

your always at the top

your accomplishments are remarkable

your wisdom never stops

you take your life to the fullest

you attitude just pops

I know they are not the best but they do come from the heart and isn't that the point in writing poems. On a different note I just got asked to be a Bridesmaid.  I have never been one so there is a first time for everything.

Always a Bride never a Bridesmaid.   LOL  To the right is while she is reading the above poem.  I love you granny.

The above picture was took in Seattle, Washington.  We were doing the Walk and Roll for Ataxia 2011.  We go every year and look forward to seeing new people.  Please join us for this wonderful event.  If you want to know when and where let me know.





Grab a Shovel, It's Getting Deep in Here: 4/18/2012

Grab a Shovel, It's Getting Deep in Here: 4/18/2012:        Tonight I start with my picture of the day.  A picture I actually took today!  This is on Commercial Street in downtown Bellingh...

My year wiser

So yesterday I turned 30 years old.  WOW right what an age to write about.  We had a little party at the house with mostly family and a few friends.  I got lots of cool stuff like Chippendale's tickets, thank you granny. I got a new well new to me freezer from my  hubby and money money money from everyone.  People put allot of pressure on turning 30 and I was really bummed to be that old.  well we will use wise not old.  I really did not ever want to turn this wise but as the years go on I guess you have to.  I have done allot of changing this year.  I quit smoking, I got married, and of course got a little wiser. Lol.  I can't  believe how wise I really am, my kids are growing to fast for me and life is just set on fast. 
My granny and  uncle are taking me to my Seattle appointment on Friday and the my friend and I get to booze it up at the Chippendale's on Saturday. 

Going back to my Seattle appointment:  I have Friedreich's Ataxia and got diagnosed 2 years ago. I go to the university of Washington hospital every 6 months to see how I am progressing.  So far I have been going pretty slow but this time I have a feeling it is not going to be slow.  I have been having more difficulty with my legs, they don't always do what my head tells them to.  As I am typing my hand sporadically slam down on the keyboard.  So my hands are not doing well either.  I was hoping that I would have a few more years till I got bad but that does not mean I wont fight it every step of the way. 

Now for the Chippendale's part.  I have been to the show at the silver reef casino the last 2 years.  This year makes 3 years and I so can't wait to go.  What woman would not want to go and have a girls night with booze, guys, and gambling.  This year I am taking my friend/ neighbor.  She turned 21 in January so this will be her first strip show.  I am so glad I get to be a part of it.  Well that is all I have for now.  Thank you for being apart of my year wiser

My life volume one

So I had an okay life, I guess.  My mother  married my dad and I came along. Well  that's not all true,  my mother traveled with the carnival and my dad built carnival rides for a living.  you would think match made in heaven right, well you would be wrong.  So I was born and my mother and father went their separate ways.  As a baby you don't remember much but I have looked through lots of pictures and realized okay I might not be adopted but I was very special to have the family I do.  As I grew up I lived with my mom.  She traveled with the carnival and I spent a good part of my childhood on the road.  When she was not traveling we moved allot.  There are few memories I remember, maybe that's because I blocked them out or maybe I really don't remember. 


So we were living in Reno, NV.   Not in a house but in our truck.  My mom worked day labor and I was seven or eight at the time.  So while she was at work she would drop me off downtown  and that is where I would be until she got off.  I had to help people with their bags and hope someone would give me money to eat on.  I know that at the time she was doing the best she could.  It was a great learning experience for me. I learned that there are nice people out there and sometimes you have to do stuff you don't want to.   I got to meet lots of new people and it is part of the person I am today. 

Any ways since this is only the first on many I hope I am going to make this one short.  I just hope that everyone who reads this takes a little part of life with them.  As always positive thoughts = positive results.

It's time it's time

      So I have been dating this guy on and off for 6 years and today we are going to the courthouse to get married.  I know such a cheap way to go but it is going to help us in the long run this way.  We have our wedding for everyone else scheduled for may 25th, 2013.  That way everyone has a chance to be a part of our special day.
    We have 2 witnesses one is my neighbor witch my soon to be husband (as in 8 hours) calls loony tunes, the other is one of our friends from when we first hooked up.  So yesterday we figured out that my man had no ring for the ceremony.  We had been looking all week for a ring for him.  OK maybe not all week but every time we left the house we were looking.  So we faked a gold band for him.  It was a costume ring that we took the charm off and said good enough.  We will find him a better one later.
     So now it is prep time for this afternoon at 4:30.  I thought that I would have the day with no kids but I was wrong.  My youngest son woke up with a tummy ache so he is home with me today.   I think he just wanted to watch more cartoons, you know what they say better safe than sorry.  My daughter always waits till she gets to school to be sick so I have to walk there and get her.  Is ent my oldest son to school with a note saying he needed to leave there at 3:00pm so he could go to the wedding to.  I still have to put my make-up on and get dressed and all that fun. 


   But for now it is still coffee time at the house.  As I watch cartoons because that is what my son has on. I don't get how they come up with some of these shows.  They are so re tarted and have no real plot line.  but if it keeps the kiddos occupied for a little than I guess it is worth it. 

Pain pain go away

So as some of you may know I have Friedreich's Ataxia.  I have had lots of bad days lately.  nothing I cant handle but still rough.  A few days ago I woke up to my right side hurting not my arm the side.  So I took some pills and decided I could not just sit around.  So the kids and I walked to the store.  Someone has to do the shopping right.  So I got home and got into a fight with my boyfriend.  I would use fiance but he has not officially proposed.  Not a fight an argument on the phone.  So I get done with the argument and I start to get pain running own my left arm.  After I distressed the pain in the arm went away but the one in my side does not seem to want to disappear.  So last night my boyfriend and I got into an argument over text.  There seems to be a pattern here right.  I thought it was fun to wake up screaming and crying at five this morning.  Of course I was not quiet cause it woke my daughter up and my kids can sleep through anything.  after I got the cramp in my right leg went away I tried to get a few more hours of sleep.  Yeah I failed, but the bed was comfy laying in it.  Then my 4 alarms went off and I climbed out of bed.  The cramp screwed my leg up cause I was gimping to the coffee pot this morning.  So I thought that I would take it easy today and relax at the house.   As the day went on I got lots of nothing done cause every time I got up my leg killed me.  I took some more pills and went to check the mail.  Ha ha that was so much fun.  Days like today I am glad I have a walker to use.  As I sit here and type I realize how much I still have to do before the morning.  My sister is coming to take my youngest to his first hockey game.  I have to pack him and clean the house and ice my side cause it still hurts like hell.  Oh and did I mention My head is hurting too.  On the plus side I go to the doctor on Monday morning so I am sure they will be running more tests.  Okay I am done for now but might be back to vent later.

If it can go wrong it will

So as another day is closing and I find myself getting ready to put the kids to bed. I realize how much hard it is to put them to bed the older they get.  When kids are 3 to 4 years old you tuck them in and read them a story and lights out and bam there asleep.  Now that my kids are 8, 10, and 11 years old it is such a hassle to get them to sleep.  I read to them and snug as a bug in a rug.  Hugs and kisses and you would think sleep right.  Try again...  30 minutes after  all of that I am reminding them that they need to sleep.  Then an hour and I am reminding them to go to bed.  at an hour and a half I am pist and yelling at them that mommy needs sleep.  So finally at the 2 hour mark the kids are asleep and I get some me time.  But by then I am so tired that I can't function.  So Friday I was at home and my brother wanted me to go out with him and his girlfriend.  After the week I had I just wanted sleep earlier in the week I hurt the right side of my jaw and walked so much my legs were killing me.  That was just what I needed to go out to the bar and mingle. So I took the easy way out and decided that I would babysit my other brother and sister in laws kids so they could go out and I could rest.  5 kids at my house oh yeah I was going to rest.  The kids were good and I got to sleep in the next day so my legs were feeling better. On Saturday afternoon my niece's decided they were sick so they stayed in bed all day and then because they were staying in my daughters room she got sick to.  Sunday morning my sister in law got sick.  Happy day to me I am the only girl in a house with 3 adults and 5 kids that was not sick.  So Sunday night my daughter was feeling good enough for school but my sister in law was horribly sick, so her and the girls stayed with me and my brother went home to go to work on Monday.  I have kinda got off the bed time thing but it all works for me.  Now that it is Monday night and i am in bed I feel sick.

  I sware if it can go wrong it will go wrong for me. I went  and got my mail today and I got a magazine and a few other bills and one really then express mail envelope, that I thought was empty.  As I said above my sister in law was here,  so when I opened it I was shocked.  The first thing I pulled out was 2 checks for $950.50 both postal money orders to me.  Then I pulled out this half sheet of paper that said when you receive this email me at some secret shopper email.  Then I read the name on the letter and it hit me.  I had got an email from this same person a few days ago.  I didn't open the email till today cause it said make $200 as a secret shopper. Sometimes things are to good to be true.  So I read the email to my sister in law and we were laughing about it.  But because I knew it was not a good thing I called the police station to talk to someone about it.  The officer that called me back had me forward the email to her and asked if I could bring the checks to the station.  I told  her that it was to close to my kids getting out of school so I would have to d it in the morning.  She gave me a case number and said that was fine.  Well I am a bad luck person and I think positive thought but my mind is set on prepare for the worst and hope for the best.  So in the morning I  am getting my kids off to school and going to the cop shop.  On the plus side I get to get my bus pass tomorrow.  The moral of this story is be careful what you do online cause someone will get your info and you will be screwed.  Well thank you for letting me vent. Talk to ya soon

Smoking part 1

So This will be my last blog as a smoker.  Tomorrow I am starting my new life as a non smoker.  I have been saying that I was going to quit many times and failed many time.  I am now ready to really smell life, taste all food, and enjoy not coughing as much.  My future husband does not smoke and like his mom said I need to quit so he wont die.  Okay maybe not like that but it was close. So I am kinda happy and kinda not at the same time.  I really wish I had more of a support system in place before hand but I am strong willed and can do it.  I have a support coach to help and have made a list of reasons I want to quit.  I also have a ton of suckers and lots of stuff to do with my hands.  I am currently in the middle of croqueting a blanket.  So I will get allot of work done on that. Plus I like to bake and cook so I have that to.  I am starting with patches and stepping down. They go from the 21mg patch for 4 weeks, then the 14mg patch for 2 weeks, and then the 7 mg patch for 2 weeks.  I am looking forward to the benefits of not smoking.  Like pain medication will work better, I wont smell like an ash tray, and my future husband will love kissing me again.  They say the first week is the hardest. I hope that is true cause I have plenty to do in the next week to keep my mind off having a smoke.  I purposely did not do the house work today just so I would have more to do tomorrow.  Have any of you quit smoking?  2 of my kids have already opted out of being here tomorrow.  Which just leaves me with my daughter and my oldest son said she can go with me mom.  I was like NO, that's what I want my 10 year old daughter hanging out with hoodlums boys. So she will be the one helping me cope with it after school.  I have faith in myself that this will be a piece of cake.  So I calculated it up right now I smoke a pack a day.  At $8.00 a pack about, I will save $2,920.00 a year.  That is a nice vacation or a good moving fund.  Anyways this is short and sweet, but I got to go get ready for my man to be online. Lots of Love.

Stressfull days

As some of you may know I am getting married.  This will be marriage number 2 and the last one I am ever having.  So we have set the date for the wedding in May 2014.  I did not realize how much goes into a real wedding.  My first one was far from real.  I got married when I 18years old and I was 7 months prego with kid 2.  Lets just say I looked like the good year blimp waddling down the isle.  If it wasn't bad enough that i was Hugh while my dad was walking me down the isle, he stepped on the bottom of my dress and it started to come apart.  It was my mothers dress that my grandma sherbourne had made when she got married.  I did not know she could not sew, so the whole dress was glued together.  So after we said our I Do's I changed into a back up dress my step-mother had brought in case i was to big for my real moms dress.  We got some pictures and did the whole sign the marriage certificate.  Did I mention I got married in the back of a bar and the reception and wedding were done in the same place back to back.  Anyways, after we got pics i got the hell out of the dress and changed into some black prego pants and a white shirt cause, you know it matched the white shoes I got married in.  Okay not funny but If you would have been there you would have laughed.  Many of my friends and family did not come for various reasons.  I think the one person that should have been there was my mom but she was to busy drinking or running with the wolfs or something.


So like I said this time I get a real wedding not some ho-dunk trailer trash thing you see on a side show.  I get to go and get a dress to pass down to my daughter and all of my kids get to be apart of it. Plus this is my fiances first wedding so he deserves a really good one.  I am hoping for the perfect beginning to our wonderful life.  We have been together on and off for a long time.  Longer than my first marriage lasted.  Now the only problem I have is getting the groom here.  Maybe the reason we have been together so long is that we barely live in the same town for long.  So he got his ticket to come here and he will be on his way in 30 days.  It is going by way to slow.  I am way to stressed out with out him here.  I did not realize how much stress he takes off me by being him.  I get way less visitors or phone calls. I so wish he could move his ticket up but he called the airline and they said no because he did not buy the ticket he could change.  Whats 30 days right.  I keep saying that but it is taking to freaking long.  okay enough of that like I said I am planning a wedding,  the colors are Red, Cream, and Black.  So if you have any input let me know.   I got to go for know and web chat with my baby. Lots of Love

just don't want to be me

Have you ever from the time you woke up to the time you go to bed, thought wow I just don't want to be me anymore.  you know it isn't possible to change places with someone else but you can always dream right.  I went to bed last night and had nothing but bad dreams about my feiance and this girl he likes.  it would not be so bad but he lives in Wyoming and as i have said i do not.  The girl he has a thing for does and they even work together.  so i guess that is the only thing on my mind.  Its okay i guess cause eventually he will be back here. I think,  that not true I know cause he bought his ticket. there is still the thought in my head that he isn't really coming.  say that they fall in love and he decides he does not want to be with me anymore.  anything can happen and i have the worst luck ever.  so it is not really that far of a jump to him not coming.  he keeps telling me he loves me and that he is coming.  But really if you were in my spot what would you think.  So here is a little background.  we have been together on and off for 6 years.  We took our first trip to Oregon where he used to live to visit some of his friends.  well that so did not go my way at all.  we got there and went out with some of his friends and the only one he wanted at the bar was his ex girlfriend.  after getting over that and a few years later we were living in Arizona.  one of his other ex girlfriends that he told me lived in a different part of the state magically lived in the same town we did.  i was not to happy about that but i got over it.  now he tells me he loves me then emails his parents about this girl there he has a thing for.  i swear its like i cant get a brake lately.  sometimes i just want to stay in bed cause i know that if i get out it is going to be a bad day.  Like today I got out of bed even though i knew it would be a bad day.  my feiance left me a message saying he would call when he got off work.  do you think i got a phone call?  the answer is NO.  he texted a little bit after he got off and said he was charging his phone.  then he sent a message saying he would give me a bed time phone call.  So what would you think if your man or woman did that to you?  I don't know what to do.  Part of me wants to talk to him but he just thinks I'm being stupid.  so the other part says just quit talking to him.  hell  he has not even told the other girl he likes that he is engaged.  which makes me think that he doesn't want her to know about me.  i guess cause i don't live there he can do what he wants and i will never know.  i guess i am  done venting for now let me know if you can answer any of my questions cause i am at a stand still right now. 

Got to love a snow day

So here it is the 17th of January and it finally snowed yesterday for the first time this winter.  As most of you know i have 3 kids and a phone i should turn off at night.  So the first night it snowed i went to sleep at 1am.  I was awakened at 2am when my brother called from the bar.  He had decided that waking my kids up and taking them sledding was a good idea.  I was not going to let that happen.  So after i convinced him to not come over at that time and to come over later I went back to bed.  The next day I woke and my brother and his girlfriend came over and we all went sledding.  now having kids i am used to doing kid stuff.  So i thought that we would have fun sledding. yeah right,  well it was fun at the time.  So we get to the hill we are going to sled down.  The kids jump on the sled and down the hill they go. So after them and my brother had went a couple time, it was my turn.  I put the sled down and lay'ed on my tummy and off i went.  well it was fun but at the end of the hill, well the part i went down.  there was a mud pit.  so i get to the bottom covered in mud and realize i cant get back up the hill.  the kids came down to help or so i thought. They grabbed the sled and up the hill they went,  leaving me to figure it out.  so i walked around and thought that i had found a way up.  it was a way smaller hill and the slope was smaller to so i started up.  i got about half way and my left foot slipped.  as i fell face first in the snow, i lay'ed there for a few seconds.  then i got up and was relieved that no one saw me fall.  so i made it once so i did it a few more times.  i was already covered in mud and fell face first.  what else could go wrong.  so we all took one last run down the hill and my daughter and youngest son and myself all sat on the sled and tried to go down the hill together.  we started and then i found out with 3 people on the sled, that not all of them make it down the hill.  we got about half way down the hill and i fell off.  as i stated earlier i could not make it up the hill walking and now i was stuck half way up it. i could try sledding own with no sled or i could attempt to walk up. well i try'ed to stand up to go up the hill and i could not seem to get off my knees.  shocker right, that's what i thought too.  so i crawled up the hill on all fours.  i am sure all of the people enjoyed watching a 30 year old crawling like a baby.  so we all got done and started to go home. i wish i would have had some hot coco but coffee will do i guess.  Well we spent the rest of the day just relaxing in the warm house.  So i went to bed that night and got woke up at 5am when the school sent me a text telling me the school was closed.  So i turned the alarms off and went back to bed.  i finally got out of bed at 9am and got my coffee.  i used the bathroom to realize that i had a bruise on my left leg.  i though well it was a good day so one bruise is worth it.  Then i coughed and realized my ribs hurt every time i coughed or touched them.  it was still worth it, i love playing with the kids and i assume they have fun playing with me.  thanks for letting me vent.

Apartment living sucks

So I went out and got my mail today.  I was not expecting a letter from the housing program I live in.  As I opened the letter and read it, I realized how nosey my neighbors are.  I have Friedreich's ataxia, so I have problems walking.  I know that lots of people have problems walking and that is not my only problem.  See with my condition my spinal cord is shrinking, so my brain tells my body to move.  My body does not always do what it is suppose to.  on the 3rd of every month I have my mom take me to the store.  I know I should just suck up and walk but somehow carrying $300 in food home does not seem fun to me.   So I get a ride to and from every store I need to go to.  It happens that my mother has a camper van that she lives in with her 3 dogs.  It states in my lease that you can not have dogs on the property without them being approved.  Well on the 3rd she was here for 2hours and her dogs never left her vehicle.  So they were not on the property at all.  So my neighbor who has a dog called the humane society on my mom and then housing on me.  2 hours really I cant have company for 2 hours without someone being up my butt.  So as I sit at home all by my self everyday.  Since I am disabled and have nothing but time I am now going to be watching my neighbors and making sure they do nothing wrong.  I will also be going through my lease with a fine tooth comb to make sure that everyone is sticking to there lease.  Well not everyone just the people I know have called my landlords on me.  If anyone has any insight into my problem please let me know. 

How stupid can you be.

So today as my brother and I were talking.  I was reminded of a funny story that II thought I would share.  So a while back I was at a party and apperently the music was too loud.  Cause the next thing anyone knew the cops and patty wagon where there.  Normal people know what to do when the cops come.  So as all of us over 21 got there identifacation out to show that we were infact over 21 years old.  There were a few minors there.  oops.  So the police go to the two boys and get there id's and run them through.  Next they went tothe girls whitch were sisters.  They got to the younger one first and asked if she had id on her and she said NO. So they asked her name and age.  She did not want to get in trouble so she used her sisters name and said she was 21 years old.  Then they found her sister and asked her the same questions.  When the cops relized they gave the same name.  They went backto the younger sister and she said oh thats not my name.  My name is ------ and I am only 18 years old. 

I know we all have stupid moments but that was a right up there moment.  The only one better than that was when I was helping my daughter with her homework one night.  My neighbor and her daughter came over and were chilling at my house.  My daughter and I were going over where she was born. 

My daughter:   Where was I born?

Me:  Farmington, New Mexico

My neighbor:  How did you get her across the border?

I had to pause for a moment before telling her that New Mexico was in the United States. I know that she just had a blonde moment but all I could picture was, Me and my new baby running from the hospital.  Then trying to sneak through the border with a crying brand new baby.  I know that is not what she ment but that was the first picture in my head.

Have you ever felt like you were the smartest person you know?   On that note I need smater friends cause I am not that bright.  Yet they all come to me to help them on everything.  Just once I would like to go up to anyone of them and say solve this for me

  5(x-2) = 3-2(x+3)

This is going to be the qualifacation to be my friend from now on.  If your smart you will read this and know the answer is 1 but if not I'm  sorry I need smart friends cause I am sick of being the smart one.  Well now I'm done for the night.  Thanks for listening to me vent.

Love can be diffecult

So as I was looking forward to Valentine's day.  I am not anymore.  We all know that life is not perfect and that sometimes it takes its toll. I thought I had the best guy and the perfect plan for Valentine's day. I was going to put the kids in bed early and make this guy a nice candle lite dinner for two. To my surprise he would not be joining me for our special day.  Looks like dinner for one, I guess.

It wasn't all his fault, I did play a roll in it to.  If I would not have pushed him away in the first place then he would be here.  Instead of being in Wyoming for the most romantic day of the year.  That and he did ask what I would rather have him for that day or he could wait a little longer and just move.  I got my hopes up for the day and now I am just going to sit alone.

So now that I have come to terms with him not being here.  I am looking forward to when he does come.  I just don't know when that will be.  I know that it is hard to make up your mind when there is so much to loose.  But if you are not willing to take a chance every once in awhile then you will never have anything to loose in the first place.

So in conclusion, I just want my happy house back.  With my kids, my husband (fingers crossed he doesn't run away before we get hitched), and me.  I would also like to thank his parents for making him.  He is the perfect guy and he puts up with me and that's really hard to do



Sick of being sick

So about 2 -3 weeks ago my youngest child started to cough.  I thought well it is getting colder maybe he has a little bug.  I gave him medication and lots of rest and within a week he was fine.  Little did I know that my neighbor had something along with her son.  Normal people when they or a member of there family are sick. They keep them at home.  Well she and her son were sick and she decided that she could heal better if I had her kid.  Since I have 3 kids of my own and it was about to be winter brake, her son spent a lot of time with us.  I am sure you have figured out that with one sick kid there would soon be more.  She started to feel better or her kid went to his other family's for Christmas brake. 

 I just know he was not here.  yea me so I thought,  Soon one of my kids was sick.  My oldest son was running a temp and water falling everywhere.  So I gave him some medication, told him to drink alot of clear fluids, and put him on the couch.  Thinking the couch would be better so my youngest would not get sick again too.  I was wrong not only did my youngest get sick, but so did my daughter and myself. As me and two of the kids were still well enough to function my oldest was not getting better at all.  Here it was the day before school started and we had to take my oldest to the emergency room.  What fun that is for an 11 year old.  One thing you should know about our hospital is they have one TV and it is in the waiting room.  So they did a chest x-ray and we sat in the back playing this poker toilet toy I had in my purse.  When the doctor finally saw us he said that my son had pneumonia and they started an IV.  Thats not something an 11 year old wants.  After they took blood, they gave him a cocktail of Tylenol, antibiotics,and a steroid shot for giggles I guess.  Then the blood test came back and the doctor released him. The doctor told me he needed to see his regular doctor in 2 days.  Well since all the kids were sick I made them all appointments.  We went to the doctor on day 3 of school being back.  The doctor checked all the kids and said that they were fine to go to school and while they were there why don't we give them their flu shots.  I was like yes I get a brake.  One again I was wrong. I got up the next morning and sent the 2 youngest to school because they go before my oldest.  Then as my oldest was about to leave and I was about to get my nice and peaceful day.  The phone rang and guess who it was.  It was the elementary school my daughter had puked and I had to go and get her.  When I got there they asked my youngest son if he wanted to go home and he did,cause lets face it what 2nd grader wants to stay at school when they are given a choice.  So day 4 and I had 2 kids home from school.  So the next day was Friday and of course my daughter was still sick. By this time I was the worst in the house, but as a mom you don't get a day off cause your sick.  The weekend was here and all my kids were feeling good and I  was happy.  That meant they were all going to school and I could rest and try to get a little better.  I can't be that lucky can I???   It was Sunday and we were all moving me slow but still moving.  I asked my daughter how she felt and she gave me the thumbs up. YIPPEE I thought to myself.  Then she did something I was not expecting.  Lets just say that I was cleaning the living room floor of cereal chunks.  CCCRRRAAAPPPP.   One more day home.  Well tomorrow is Tuesday and I am done with sickies.  Cross your fingers all the kids are in school or I am running and checking myself into the hospital to get a brake and maybe some good sleep. If that possible at the hospital.

Why is it everything you want just out of reach???

So about a year ago maybe a little less.  I had the perfect guy. He is sweet, kind, cute, nice, and will all ways have my heart.  I was just diagnosed and I got really scaredand didnt want to put anyone through what I was going through.  So I pushed him away.  Let me say that is not the thing to do.  So we started talking on the phone and web a few months ago. 

I thought it was going good and then he would not tell his parents we were talking.  My first thought was that he was ashamed of me.  Then he sent an email to his parents and it somehow went to me too.  when I checked my email it said it was a forward so I asked if he sent me something.  Cause his email often sends viagra links to me.  He said he didn't so I told him I was forwarding it back to him.  So I checked the box and hit forward.  Well it opened the email and to my suprise it was a letter to his parents.  After reading this letter I was shocked to learn that the guy I loved liked someone else. 

 So I blew a fuse and then calmed down and relized that he does not live in this state and he could do what ever he wanted.  Than later that evening he sent me another forward and it was another letter to his parents saying how much he loved me.  I love him with all my heart and hope someday soon he will be mine again.  They say that if you love someone let them go and if they come back it is ment to be.  I hope he comes back.  I have been married and devoriced once before and I always said I would never do that again.  but after 6 years with this wonderful guy I would marry him in a heart beat.  Any person I know will tell you I am not the easiest person to live with and He did it for 6 years so he has to be my superman.  I get the best valentines day ever this year because he is coming to spend it with me.  If I have it my way he wont be leaving and we will live happily ever after.  Anyways back to the just out of my reach part.  So the guy I love lives in Wyoming and I live in Washington.  We can talk on the phone and web chat but I don't get to hold him or kiss him.  To me it feels like he is so far away.  If you have any ideas on how I can make him mine.  Let me know cause I am out of ideas.

Pictures can be fun

 So as my first one was short this one might be a little longer.  I did say might right.  In this one I would like to introduce you to me and my family at least for the moment.   Like I  said i the last post I have three kids.   They are my motivation for going everyday.  Well them and the pot of coffee and six sodas I drink a day.  Not really but I do drink a lot of coffee and Pepsi.  I put the pictures up and had this done once and it all went poof.  So this one will just be in the order they showed up.

This is my daughter.  She is is going to be 11 this year.  So far her life has been all about the girl thing.  She loves to sing and dance around the house.  She helps me everyday weather it is doing my make-up  or getting me coffee.  She does that head sway thing when she thinks she is right.  It is cute and annoying at the same time. 

This is my youngest. He is turning 8 this year.  He has had his own things to over come.  When he was 3 he fell out our 2nd story apartment window.  He spent 4 days in the hospital with a skull fracture and 2 head bleeds.  Don't worry that has not slowed him down at all.  I think he is actually more daring now.  He loves to play ninja and climb the walls.  Literally he puts his hands on one wall and feet on the other and walks up them.

This picture is of all of us playing around with the camera.  I love pictures they tell you a story about what you have done and where you did it.  They say a picture is worth a thousand words.  If that's the case this one should tell a good story to you.

My oldest, he is going to be 12 this year.  WOW I am getting really old.  My boys seem to have bad luck just like me.  He spent a week in the hospital when he was 1 1/2 years old.  Then last year he got hit by a car.  Don't worry he is fine. He took some stitches to his face and chipped 2 teeth.  But all is well this year so far.

And last is me.  Hello my name is April.  I have 3 wonderful kids and am in Love with a wonderful guy.  I just hope he figures it out soon.  Like I said I have Friedreich's ataxia and am trying everyday to be a better person.  We as a group take it one day at a time.  I work hard to stay moving and keep up with my kids.  That does not often happen but I am trying.



First post ever

So I am always reading my dear friends blog and some are good and some are bad.  This one will probably be bad, because I am going to explain a little about myself.  I have three kids and have been in a on and off relationship for six years.  In April of 2010 I got diagnosed with Friedreich's Ataxia. Lately we have been off mainly because long distance relationships never work.  So when I got my diagnoses I panicked and tried to push everyone away so when I did pass away people would not be so upset.  Don't ever do that it hurts more than you know.  I was really upset because the doctor said I had 12-22 years to live and I would be in a wheelchair in 5 years. Well I was overly depressed and did some things I should not have done.  As I learned more about what I had it got way easier to be like NO that is not going to be me. If you need more information about this go to the FARA page. 

So as the days went on I was going to 4 -5 doctors a week and getting poked and prodded.  It was great fun because I hate needles.  I have 2 neurologists, a cardiologist, a primary care doctor,a physical therapist, a counselor, and a pain specialist.  At that point I just wanted to get down to one appointment a week.  Now I am down to one appointment every other month.  I life in town now and am getting my life back.  The only thing missing is the on and off relationship.  He may not know it but I love him and plan on marrying him one day soon.